losing the battle to malaise

General Mal Aze still had me at home on a Thursday afternoon.
I kept thinking I would go to a movie, but here I sit.
I will probably still be here all night.
I simply cannot get motivated to go anywhere or do anything.
The Odd Lot Radio Hour?
No, I don't want to deal with downtown parking this close to race day.
The Tuba and Euphonium concert at Armstrong?
I really don't want to drive all the way out there.
Pre-opening day screening of "Thor: Ragnarok"?
Hmmm... no, not really, not right now.

Damn, girl.

I had come straight home - at 1:30 pm - from my 10:30 AM appointment at the VA clinic with Susan Barker.
She and I had talked about my feeling of abandonment ever since October 10th. She apologized several times, but I was clearly hurt and I was also clearly dismayed that I was not bouncing back.
I told her about all the deaths I have had this year.
I told her about my lack of ability to sustain any enjoyment of life.
She offered to make an appointment with the counselor there, but I had already spent enough time in that building and did not want more.
She offered to prescribe an antidepressant to help bring back my joy. I told her I would rather try natural methods first.
She performed a little massage of my shoulders, my face, my back. Ouch, ouch, and ouch.
She offered to prescribe a mild sleeping pill to help me sleep more peacefully. I declined.
She found that my Vitamin D level was 21 from the blood analysis last week. Apparently, that was cause for alarm, as deficiency of that vitamin/hormone can cause bone aches and depression. She is having the prescription sent to me.
She has also renewed all of my prescriptions so none will be lacking in the future.

Maybe tomorrow will be better.