no, i'm laughing WITH you

Before I forget... here's a funny story for you.
No, really... it's a hoot.
Hoot, hoot!
Here's the set up: I was returning from north Georgia trip yesterday evening. The bfe was off at a friend's house, playing cards (i.e., getting drunk whilst bidding hearts and spades).
Now... GO!

Date: Sunday, July 16.

me, 8:07 pm, to bfe: "May not make it home. Pulled over for bad rain about twenty miles north of Macon."
me, 8:45 pm, to bfe and ex: "Got a room in Forsyth. Will leave in the morn for home."

bfe, 9:07 pm: "Is your address 621 derenne?"

me, 9:15 pm, to bfe: "seven four one Fine Glen Road"
then, three minutes later: "What? You lost?"

bfe, 9:31 pm: "No. I am good!"

*****
I then settle in to watch "Beetlejuice" on the television and eat my dinner. I've had a nice, relaxing shower, found a favorite movie (the one with the "Day-O" song used at the Savannah Bananas games) and life is good!
At least it was until I got the following.
*****

bfe, 10:15 pm: "Oh f***, when do you think you may be home?"

me, finally seeing the message at 11:00 pm, to bfe: "I got a room in Forsyth. The weather was too bad for me to drive. I will be home tomorrow."

bfe, 11:01 pm: "My car has been stolen and I can't get in."

me, 11:02 pm, to bfe: "Where was your car? Oh no! Call Smitty and he can let you in the house."

bfe, 11:03 pm: "It was in the driveway. I have a key and I still can't get in."

me, 11:03 pm, to bfe: "At my house??"

bfe, 11:04 pm: "The lock is messed up."

me, 11:04 pm, to bfe: "The lock to my house?"

bfe, 11:05 pm: "Yeah. I can't get the key in."

me, 11:06 pm, to bfe: "Are you sure you are using the right key?"

bfe, 11:07 pm: "I only have one key!"

me, 11:08 pm, to bfe: "I don't know what to do from here. Please call Smitty and he can come. I am 4 hours away."

bfe, 11:10 pm: "It is ok. I am going to call the police after L___ arrives."

me, 11:11 pm, to bfe: "Seriously, I can call Smitty if you want."

bfe, 11:11 pm: "I'll stay the night with L___ here in Savannah. I assume it will take you to get back in since I am not a legal resident."

me, 11:12 pm, to bfe: "Again, I can call my brother and have him let you in the house."

bfe, 11:15 pm: "I have a key. It won't let me in. It seems like something is rammed in the lock."

me, 11:16 pm, to bfe: "Ok. Does it look like someone broke in? This is so crazy."

bfe, 11:17 pm: "It seems like someone f***ed up the lock."

me, 11:19 pm, to bfe: "Well then the police definitely need to be called. You are definitely a resident of the house and they can call me to confirm. Also I am sure your possessions in the house will verify that you live there."

bfe, 11:21 pm: "I am having L___ come here first and then I am calling the police!"

me, 11:21 pm, to bfe: "Ok. Ok. This seems like some bad dream."

bfe, 11:24 pm: "Yeah. It sucks right."

me, 11:25 pm, to bfe: "You know, I can't believe it. Too surreal."

bfe, 11:26 pm: "Yeah. This is really weird."

me, 11:29 pm, to bfe: "If I had not stopped for the rain, I would have been getting there in another hour. That would have been crazy. Plus I would not have been able to text you about all of this. Surreal."

THE EX, 11:30 pm, TO ME: "Wow, still clear here."

me, 11:33 pm, to THE EX: "Apparently someone tried to break into the house. The physicist is waiting for the police. His car was stolen too. I have no idea what the hell is going on."

THE EX, 11:34 pm, TO ME: "Oh my God! Was he in the house at the time?"

bfe, 11:34: "Tell me how I should reference your place to the police."

me, 11:35 pm, to THE EX: "Right? Surreal. No way to know yet if anything has been stolen. I think he was at a friend's house playing cards."

me, 11:36 pm, to bfe: "I do not understand what you mean."

THE EX, 11:38 pm, TO ME: "I am so sorry. Let me know when you know something."

bfe, 11:39 pm: "What is the address I should use?"

me, 11:40 pm, to THE EX: "Will do. This is crazy, I am so exhausted or I would be tempted to leave for home. That's 4 hours away."

bfe, 11:40 pm: "152 Forestland"

me, 11:40 pm, to bfe: "No."

bfe, 11:41 pm: "For some reason I think no."

me, 11:42 pm, to bfe: "741 Fine Glen Road"

bfe, 11:42 pm: "152 Fine Glen?"

me, 11:43 pm, to bfe: "N O"
me, 11:43 pm, to bfe: "741 Fine Glen Road"

bfe, 11:44 pm: "Wait. Have I been at the wrong place!"

me, 11:44 pm, to bfe: "Oh my God."

bfe, 11:54 pm: "Wait."
bfe, 11:54 pm: "I am lost."
bfe, 11:54 pm: "Oh I am at the wrong place."

me, 11:54 pm, to bfe: "So... are you in the house now? Is all ok? Your car still there?"

bfe, 11:54 pm: "I am so embarrassed."

me, 11:54 pm, to bfe: "You are in the house now? I can go to sleep?"

bfe, 11:54 pm: "I am ok doll. But again I am so embarrassed."

me, 11:55 pm, to bfe: "Hey, as long as you are ok..."

me, 11:56 pm, to THE EX: "Well, guess what? He was at the wrong address. :-) "

bfe, 12:15 AM: "You can go to sleep. I am silly."

me, 12:15 AM, to bfe: "Love you still :-) "

bfe, 12:16 AM: "Thank you. I love you too. I feel so embarrassed."

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

This morning, I drove back to Savannah, passing in and out of brief showers.
I arrived safely home during pouring rain and looked at my phone.
I had a message patiently awaiting a response.

THE EX, 11:44 AM: "I don't quite understand. Your house wasn't broken into?"

me, 1:00 pm: "Apparently not. He was at the wrong house."
me, 1:00 pm: "Yes, one day this will be very humorous."

THE EX, 1:02 pm: "So he was picked up by the friend to go play cards - then told the friend to go to the wrong house? Is that why the car was missing too?"

me, 1:04 pm: "Apparently. Or maybe he used Uber. I just got home and am going to have lunch and watch the rain."

THE EX, 1:05 pm: "Let me get it all straight - the car isn't missing and the home wasn't broken into. Who's home was broken into, someone in the neighborhood nearby?"

me, 1:06 pm: "No ones. His car was in the driveway when he finally got HERE."

THE EX, 1:08 pm: "Oh, the break-in was just assumed because the car was missing?"

me, 1:09 pm: "Apparently. Plus, his key was not working."

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

Really, one day this is going to be a hoot...
By the way, the addresses have been altered for anonymity.
(smile)

home, sweet home

Home... it seems so long since I've been here.
After an unscheduled overnight stop in Forsyth, GA, last night, I am home at last.
I am glad to be here.

Moreover, I have no plans for this evening.
The Savannah Bananas were to have played, but the fields are too soggy.
The scheduled game has been pushed back two nights and will play on Wednesday.
That's fine with me.

I definitely have a few things to catch up on around here...
in my home, sweet home.

i thank You, God, for my safe journey back.

honeymoon in paradise gardens

Not that I had both at the same time, mind you!
In fact, the drive up to north Georgia was a real horror show yesterday. I had seen on Google maps that I-75 N had several construction sites active in Atlanta. So, I had planned to avoid those and have a leisurely trip, cutting through mid-Georgia to I-20 W, catching I-285 W above the Jet City, then bopping over to Rome for the night. There, I'd meet with the Ex and his lady and have a sweet ending to my day - literally, as we were to dine on dessert.
(smile)
The drive, like I said, was a horror show.
The construction was on I-20 W, as were loads of summer-holiday travelers. Ack!
Then I hit the hell that is that twelve-lane belt strapping the gigantic waistline of Atlanta. ACK!
Finally coming to the exit I needed, off I went... straight into a construction area and detour that would not allow me access to the hotel I had reserved. ACKKKKKKKKK!!!!!
By that time, I had been on the road for seven hours... and it was raining... and darkness was coming...
Ack! ACK! ACKKKKKKKKK!!!!!
No worries.

Carolyn and Jennie at the Hampton Inn in Rome talked me through the closed highway exit to the old reliable path - and greeted me with smiles, cookies, and a bag of perks when I had finally arrived.
(smile)

The Ex came to my rescue, calming me down on the phone, adjusting our timetable, even picking me up so I had no more driving to do.
(smile)
He and Amy both gave me hugs, too. Then we went to the Honeymoon Bakery downtown. The place was hopping! But Jeff snagged us a table, Amy treated me to a chocolate-dipped macaroon, and we all had a cheery visit and "investor's meeting".
(smile)

Amy even bought this loaf of cranberry-walnut bread for me! That was a fine addition to my breakfast this morning.
(smile)

By the time I hit the road, the morning fog was still blanketing the land.
This photo was at 8:45, about midway to Summerville and my youngest brother, Tony.
I was in to see him about thirty minutes later - hooray! You know it's been quite a while since I've been up there, due to the carpal tunnel in my hands. My last visit was back in July of 2016... almost exactly one year ago.
Smitty had donated the allowed twenty dollars of quarters this time - plus I had added another dollar's worth. (Shhh, don't tell anyone!) Tony had a Sprite, a Big AZ cheeseburger, two BBQ chicken sandwiches, BBQ pork rinds, Jalapeno cheese puffs, strawberry cheesecake, and a rather large package of strawberry creme cookies. I had a BBQ chicken sandwich, too, a Diet Coke, and M&M's. We also split an ice cream sandwich!
I had three quarters left.
(smile)

We talked of family, of course. But we also delved into the discovery channel and the solar system. I was still wearing my blue band from my magical dolphin experience, so we chatted about that, too.
Then I went off track, talking about the two Jeffs in my life. I told him that I usually called the ex 'Jeff' when talking to family or folks who knew him, with the other being 'Secrest' around those folks. But for people who knew me post-divorce, the one living in my house is 'Jeff' and the other is 'the Ex'. Then I went on this side story about Babcia and Druge Babcia that the Ex grew up with. I ended up with postulating that I call the Ex 'Jeff' and the bfe 'druge Jeff'.
Tony laughed and said "that's why you told me that story? To get to that?"
Yeah, pretty funny!
(smile)
We visited together until almost 2:30 pm, then had our parting hugs.
No photos this time, but that's okay.
I'll look forward to having new pictures taken when he goes to the Transitional Center, which will hopefully be soon.
Hopefully.

Afterward, I finally went to Howard Finster's place up here.
I sent the photo above to the BFF, the bfe, the Ex, the first niece, and Kevin.
Below it, read this caption:

I went to Paradise Gardens. It was closed.

I was channeling my inner Steven Wright, don't you know!
(smile)
I knew they would get a kick out of it!

I had hoped to visit Sandra Lynn, but it was not to be. My BFF was off in the mountains with her new beau, Hank.
That's okay.
I'm going to take I-75 S, right through Atlanta, and hope for the best.
Maybe I'll even make it home before the rains...
wish me luck!

i thank You, God, for this time shared with those who know and love me!

orchid in my house

I had not expected to go to my beautiful laundrette and return home with an orchid.
Nonetheless, that is exactly what happened.
I even tried to convince Nami that the plant might not fare well with me... but she insisted.
She had been given the gorgeous orchid, as well as another there at Wash Plus and a host of other plants, after her husband's death. After years of health issues, her Marine had succumbed on June 23. He was only 61 years old.
I had not found out about his death until July 2. The bfe had returned from an unsuccessful attempt to wash clothes and told me her store was closed. I had called her, of course, but the funeral had already been held and there was nothing for me to do... but I did let folks know about her loss.
And I took my time there today, talking with her, listening while she talked to me, giving hugs.
Then, as I was preparing to leave, she offered the lovely blooming flowers.
I really didn't feel that I should refuse... so I graciously accepted it.

Now, it is safely at home, having been strapped in on the passenger seat.
That's what you do with precious cargo, n'est-ce pas?
Nami was tickled that I did that.
(smile)

Now, I've mowed the front yard and part of the back.
Time for something cool to do!
I'm out at the school, catching up on a few things and awaiting the evening play at Jenkins Hall.
Which play?
Steve Martin's rendition of "The Underpants", done with verve as only the Masquers can do!
The bfe is to be there with Erica and her daughter, so perhaps I will see them, too...
but I'll be sure to keep my distance, as I have not yet showered after my yard work.
(smile)

bananas in my seat!

Yep, you heard me right: I was in my seat for this game, 2-B-3.
How come?
Well, Willie wasn't feeling up to handling the heat, so he abstained.
I saw no reason to not sit in the seat I bought... so I did.
That was definitely seeing the game from a different perspective.
First, I had to unseat some poachers who had usurped my seat, as well as three others.
Go figure.
I had a group of women sitting behind me who chatted nonstop about everything except the game.
Go figure.
I had a parade of poachers sitting in front of me and to my left and even one on my right.
Go figure.
I was the only one in the entire 'B' section who was cheering on the Savannah Bananas in their struggle against the Lexington Blowfish.
Go figure.
That's okay, though.
I'm accustomed to that.
(smile)

My cheering did not lead to a win, but I'm sure my boys of summer could hear me from my closer location.
At one point, I even got a 'high five' from a young man sitting in front of me!
But the Bananas couldn't quite overcome for a win.
Final score was Blowfish 7, Bananas 5.
That should have netted us fans some BWW coupons... but the staff forgot about that.
Berry has promised me ten BWW coupons in the future - woohoo!
Kevin will be so pleased.
(smiled)

What a nice day this has been!
SKFF this morning with a space-hero theme...
four hours working with Smitty on catching up the sales taxes and quarterly...
and a lovely baseball game to cap it all off.

i thank You, God!

special tuesday with boo

Honestly, I do not know why I think of Barbara as Boo, but never call her that in person.
Maybe, one day, I will... and will probably shock her by using that family nickname!
(smile)

Tonight, though, was a celebration of her 65th birthday.
No 'Tina Tuesday' with Kevin this time!
Sure, he was invited to come along... but he abstained.
His loss!
Not only was there a movie and dinner, but there was also dANciNg!
The Regal had a Fathom Event with our name all over it:
"Carole King: Tapestry"!
The concert had been filmed last year, when she performed in Hyde Park, London...
it was as if we were there with the thousands of other fans,
swaying to the music and mouthing the words that we knew by heart.
For this special concert, she performed every song on the album, in order.
At the end of the last song on the first side of the LP, the screen on stage even showed the vinyl disc and flipped it over!!!
As I am fond of saying, I played this album as a teenager until I wore out the grooves.
That's fairly close to true!

As I watched the then-74-years-old woman performing enthusiastically, I kept flashing back to February of 2004. That was the first - and only - time I ever saw her sing live, and that was up close and personal at the Sentient Bean.
Did my ex remember that night, too?
Of course he did!
"Oh, wow. I still remember bleeding on the ground when CNN got the shot at the Sentient Bean. I was standing right behind her as she was stumping for John Kerry."
Funny! I remember her being there to support Max Cleland.

I also remember dancing on the sidewalk, in the cold outside, because there was no room in the small coffee shop.
I also remember her acknowledging me and her other fans by turning around frequently on the stage to sing toward us, just beyond the windows.
I also remember the thrill of actually making physical contact after the concert that night, shaking the diminutive hand of this musical giant in my life.
Wow.

Tonight, we purposely sat near the back of the cinema.
We wanted to be able to get up and dANcE and feel the Earth move under our feet!!!
Barbara and I did, too!
Jackie and Sandy and Kal, and Boo's beach friends Lacie and Michael, remained seated the entire time.
How could they stand to not get up???
I only stayed seated for about three songs, then I was up, dANciNg to "Beautiful", in the empty top row behind us!
Barbara joined me four songs later, for "Where You Lead" - what a funny coincidence!
(smile)

After the concert movie, las tres amigas went to Chili's for some dinner.
Kal came along, of course - he was Barbara's driver for the evening!
Such fun we had...
such sweet dreams we will have tonight...
and I came home with Boo's chips for lunch!

i thank You, God, for these shared good times!

heading for home plate!

(subtitle: taking time to meet Hemingway)

When I left to cruise on home,
I took a leisurely drive up the A1A,
enjoying the proximity to the ocean
for as long as possible.
When Marineland came into view,
I stopped to check it out.
After all, it's been years since
I was last there... and I wanted
to prolong my vacation mode just a bit...

Neptune, the Roman god of the seas -
or perhaps this was the Greek god, Jupiter -
invited me to take a selfie with him.
You bet I did!
See those rippling muscles and lovely beard
and barely-draped, nearly-nude body?
You bet I did!
(smile)

Besides, I had some time on my hands
to explore the new layout before
my turn at touching and feeding
a dolphin.
This reef ball was a reminder that one
future day I'll be 'swimming with the fishes'
in as much as my ashes will be included
in just such a structure, by Eternal Reefs.

'Swimming with the fishes' was
certainly an option for my visit today,
though they call it "Dolphin Immersion" -
and dolphins are mammals, like us, not fish.
(smile)
I opted for the "Touch and Feed" -
reasonably priced to allow the kid in me to play
without sticker shock to the adult me.

Worth every penny! I would have gladly paid twice that fee!
I haven't stopped smiling like a five-year-old since I touched that sleek ocean beast!
Here I am, trying to be patiently listening as my group was given instructions, nearly bouncing up and down with excitement!
The dolphin awaiting belly rubs and fluke holdings was Hemingway, a 34-year-old male who was born on these premises.
That was him in the above photo, too, laughing as he swam past us after the session.
What a charmer he was!
I so look forward to seeing the photos again!
Marineland had professionals snapping pictures during the whole encounter and I have the option of downloading some later - for a small fee, from a site aptly named 'smileflingr' - to relive my adventure over and over!

After my experience was done,
I stayed for another two hours,
trying to espy, with my little eye,
the continued frolics of the dolphins.
As I finally headed back toward my car
and the main building, I paused to
admire the ocean and take a selfie.
That butterfly bag certainly adds
a tropical splash of color to the coral!

I made two stops on the way home.
The first was at The Seafood Kitchen
in St. Augustine for a shrimp Po' Boy.
The waitress recommended it and she was spot on!
My second stop was at Dave & Buster's, as cats and dogs were tumbling out of the clouds.
I tarried for an hour and came out to find
the rainstorm was past. Homeward bound again!

Just before nine PM, the richly-hued sunset demanded to be captured - and so it was!
Is it just me, or do you see the dolphins playing in the blue sky?
Now, I'm home and must tell the bfe about my adventure as a dolphin trainer -
so good to have him staying at my house to share my stories with!
i thank You, God!

crossing third base!

subtitle: bye, bye, bye!

After a nice stroll on the beach with me, Smitty collected Mary and they were off to home again.
Bye, brother mine!

Glad you liked that banana nut muffin - thanks, DRI!
After watching the musical episode of "That 70's Show", I jetted over to the Regal to catch one more movie I needed: "Baby Driver".
Catch it I did!
Then I said bye to that Regal - all done!

Afterward, I was off to MOAS for one last show in the Planetarium. This was another live show, this time hosted by astrophysicist student Rob. "Flight Through The Universe" featured close-ups of Mars, Jupiter, and Saturn. Very informative!
Thanks, Rob, and bye to y'all!

Next up? More baseball, of course!
With the cost of admission - thanks, DRI! - I also received a free T-shirt honoring Tortuga #23, player made good, now in the Cincinnati Reds. I had made sure to arrive early so I would be one of the first 500 fans!
This time, these beach boys of summer were taking on the Lakeland Flying Tigers.
Great name for the visitors, isn't it?
I think Shelldon, the Tortuga mascot, would agree with me. Here he is, drumming up support for the boys.
(Get the pun? LOL!)
My cheering and Shelldon's drumming did not help, though - the game ended with the Tigers ahead, 7-3.
I hadn't stayed until the end, though.
During the 7th inning stretch, I left. Big rain was coming and that point in the game marked where I had gained entry before.
Bye, Jackie Robinson!

And guess what? Due to a detour, I ended up on Halifax Avenue, which was a blessing. Few traffic lights, no stop signs, and a straight shot back to Granada and the The Cove.
Wow.
My guess is this is a local secret to allow folks to travel quickly without tourist traffic.
Sah-weet.
I've said for years that Daytona is my home away from home...
guess this makes that official.
Bye, my second home.
See you again soon!

rounding second base!

subtitle: fun with family!

I began my day with sushi, leftovers from yesterday - thanks, DRI!
Then, about lunch time, Smitty and Mary arrived!
Hooray!
I gave them the bedroom with the better oceanview, the king-sized bed, and the garden tub.
After all, my biggest little brother was here on his birthday eve!
Very nice!
Even better that they had arrived just in time for a fun movie at Cinematique! "Band Aid" was about a couple who found that making music together helped them work through marital issues. Such an excellent choice for post-movie discussion while tasting the fine chocolates at Angell & Phelps!
Going to the little cinema, seeing the art-house film, eating the Michigan-origin candy - those were all "firsts" for Smitty. Hooray! And I had used some of my bounty from yesterday to treat them to the movie - thanks, DRI!
(smile)
As we were leaving the chocolate factory, we decided on some late lunch. The Original Stavros' Pizza House at block's end seemed perfect - Smitty could have a beer with his meal! I had been once before and recommended the gyro, which he had. Mary and I had pasta dishes. The food was good, but the service was erratic and we ate in shifts. We stayed nice and dry during the rain, so that was good!
Later, we headed back to Ormond for a stroll on the sand...
aahhhh... good call!

The downpour had cooled things off
and we had a nice long walk,
stopping along the way
to chat with a net-caster looking
for more prawns for his dinner.
(Apparently, the shrimp boat that had
been moored off the beach since
my arrival had let a few get away.

The guy had great success yesterday with his net!)
There was also a couple who had used a drone
to set their lines far out from the few swimmers.
Novel idea!
They were hoping for some larger fish -
like grouper -
for their evening repast.
Hope they had good luck!
All we saw were tiny little
multicolored clams.

A bit later, we headed back to Cinematique for the 8 PM improv comedy. Smitty loves jokes and such, just like I do, but he had never been to a live show.
Well, he can't say that now!
(smile)
Random Acts of Insanity had a special summer Saturday show, just for him!
(Hey, that's my story and I'm sticking to it!)
(smile)
They usually only perform there on Tuesday evenings, so this was a rare treat!

Almost immediately, we had one of my favorites -
"parental interrogation"!
The trick was that the "kid" - the big guy, Menos -
had to "confess" to what he had been doing...
without knowing what it was that he had done!
What was it?
Hanging out with Homer Simpson, in North Korea,
spitting grape Jell-O on the sidewalk!
(That last part was from my suggestion!)
Very funny!

"The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly"
was not western by any means!
The rotating-cast trio had to give
appropriately-themed answers to
questions from the audience.
I asked, "Where's my flying car?"
and one answer was "where's my dinner, woman?"
Hahahaha!
Smitty thought that was a hoot, too!

"Tell Me Three Things..."
was a very interesting premise.
Two actors came on, with one asking the other
to say three things about a topic.
Then the one questioned would ask the
next actor up with a different question,
and so on until all were on stage.
Very amusing questions and answers!
Mary really liked that one; so did I.

"Pick-Up Lines" invited a woman onstage
to judge the charm (thumbs up)
or disgust (thumbs down)
of the guys' artistry.
Here's an example:
"Baby, you're like a knife (household object)
because you're so sharp."
Pretty good line, right?
We thought so, too!

All in all, a very fine way to spend the eve of my brother's 57th birthday!
i thank You, God, for the many coincidences that came together for us!