dear God, it's me, faustina

I made a point of going to church today, hoping to find You there within those peach-toned walls of Asbury Memorial Church.

No such luck.

Some new kid, still in seminary school, was in the pulpit instead of Reverend Billy.

Yes, I realize that I didn't really expect him to be preaching today.

Joan Hester Byrd has died and I know he is mourning his Mama.

I cannot expect Billy to be back for some time.

Still, I was not prepared for the young man today and his talk of suffering and injustice and prejudice and all such.

I wanted, and needed, a more positive and life-affirming message...

words of hope and redemption and peace...

and found none of that, not even in the song choices.

It's been a hard few days, as You know, though there have been bright spots that popped up between cloudbursts.

Yes, literally as well as figuratively.

(smile)

I realize that it's been hard on others, too.

Having to call the police about Damon on Thursday night was very hard, but I knew it had to be done.

All parties needed to be crystal clear on where things stood.

There's been a definite lack of communication over at that house and I've been mindful to let them know where I was going and when I would return, trying to set an example for Damon and his two children.

In return, he has been talking to me, letting me know when he was going off to meet a girlfriend or to work on a job site, and he's been asking how my outings went with mi amigas to the movies.

No one has raised their voices since Thursday night, so that is very good, and definitely a step in the right direction.

I have not attempted to be a babysitter for Dylan or Carissa, nor have I been their cook or housekeeper or entertainer.

I think it's important to have that line drawn, to make sure that all understood that I was there to tend to the dog and the cat, not to them.

Damon seems to respect that.

As I said, not once has anyone raised their voice since Thursday night, nor has he huffed up and been intimidating since then.

Those are all steps in a positive direction.

i thank You, God.

Even Dane is closer to his usual self, at last, but he really is a sensitive creature.

As I told Barbara and Sandy, "he's a gray pit bull that gets easily blue."

When I saw them for an unscheduled Ray Romano film on Friday, they had wanted me to go out to dinner, too, but it was already close to the dog's bedtime.

I knew he would not sleep until I was there.

Then, last night, after our viewing of the movie about religion and preteens, they were going to Barbara's for dinner and SNL, but, again, I abstained.

For me, it was good to have been with my friends, talking about our usual things, giving me a break from the turmoil of the late week.

It was good for me to know that the time I was away also allowed Damon and his kids to have their own time together.

I do hope they will learn, some day soon, how to be a family.

They all seem to spend their time apart from each other.

Please, help them to find their own routine of sharing their days, and nights, with one another, instead of all doing different things with lit screens.

Meanwhile, as I said, I went to church today, perhaps for the first time this year.

Yes, I went to two of the Taize services, mostly because I was already there for the WNS meals, and I've watched a few times online, but that's not the same thing.

I went to pay my pledge to the church, honestly.

And, while I was there, I was hoping to feel Your presence.

Instead, I was so distracted by the blah-blah-life-is-bad 'prayer' from the youth leader, then by the blah-blah-life-is-bad sermon, and felt nothing spiritual.

I left right after the doxology...

when I heard someone that sounded like Joan Hester Byrd singing along...

and I realized it was the voice of the woman standing half a pew from me...

and that brought me some peace.

The roses in the sun, the ones I had lingered to smell on my way in, again caught my eye and again I lingered by them, inhaling their warm perfume... 

and that brought me some peace.

On my return to my car, 

parked along Henry Street,

I spotted something.

Right in front of the bumper, 

there shining against the asphalt 

as clouds raced above 

and vehicles raced by,

was a dime.

The date was 1991.

I knew it was a message from 

the ten angels written of earlier this month...

the ten angels who loved me so dearly...

the ten angels physically gone from this Earth...

the ten angels still sharing love with me.

i thank You, God.