six miles. in the snow. barefoot.

But that was not the most heart-breaking part of "Wind River".

At the end of the film, the statement appeared that "there are no statistics on missing Native American women".
As harsh as that is, it was not the most heart-breaking part, either.

The rape of the teenager, the beating death of her boyfriend, her death from burst lungs as she ran from the evil-doers - all very bad situations to watch. However, thanks to so many crime shows on television, these vignettes are not new and their sting has been softened by oft repetition in plot lines.

What did I find the most heart-wrenching?
What caused me to stay in the darkened cinema, sobbing, as the end credits rolled?
What factor led me to sit in my car, continuing to cry, for another thirty minutes before going home?

The guilt taken on by loved ones left behind by death.

I know that guilt.
I still feel guilt that I didn't realize in time that Mama was killing herself.
Her increased drinking of alcohol started after a chance discussion of "Leaving Las Vegas". She had thought it would be a painful way to die, but I had informed her "not for the drinker, as the liver has no nerve endings. It's only painful for those left behind."
I still feel guilt about telling her that.
I still feel guilt for not asking hospice to transfer her to my house from the hospital.
It made more sense for her to go to her home with Frank, my stepdad, as his two daughters were both nurses.
I still feel guilt for not spending more time with her there, during those last few days of her life...
guilt for not foreseeing and somehow preventing her death.

In my heart, I know that I cannot be held to blame for her death...
but I feel the guilt, still.

In "Wind River", two fathers are tortured with guilt for their daughters' deaths.
Neither of them could have reasonably prevented those deaths... but they feel the guilt, still.

Martin Hanson (played stoically by Gil Birmingham) is the father of Natalie, the 18-year-old at the center of this film. He feels guilty for allowing his grown daughter to make her own choices, to live her own life. He knows that others blame him and his wife for her death, for not micro-managing every aspect of the young woman's life.
He was doing the right thing, allowing his daughter to grow up into a woman...
but death intervened and guilt over her loss is consuming his life...
guilt for not somehow foreseeing and preventing her death.

Cory Lambert (played with a different stoicism by Jeremy Renner) is the father of Emily, a fifteen-year-old who was best friends with the Hanson daughter. He and his wife had a rare overnight away from their two children and had returned to find Emily missing. Her body was found days later, twenty miles from home. That was three years earlier than this time, but he still carried the guilt.
He had been doing the right thing, taking advantage of a rare night off to enjoy a date with his wife...
but he felt he had blinked and allowed his daughter to be stolen and killed.
The grief had consumed their marriage and almost his life...
guilt for not somehow foreseeing and preventing her death.

Heart-breaking to watch...
heart-breaking to relive my own loss...
heart-breaking.

invention progress report: website acquired

Well, alrighty then!
Heather Bateman, of the MIPA marketing team, just called with most excellent news!
On August 21, she had emailed a questionaire concerning what website name I would like for my invention.
By August 25, I had an answer for her.
The name had popped into my head first thing that morning.
I had heard nothing more and was planning to send out a query, but she beat me to it.
The website name has been obtained!
As I told Heather, this was such glorious news to receive after this Irma-induced turmoil!
Now to spread the word to my investors - I definitely want to share this with them!

I'll also tell them about the copyright.
That was applied for on May 24, 2017.
I hope to hear back about it from the United States Copyright Office sometime around Thanksgiving, at the earliest. Six to eight months from filing date - that seems like a long time, but it's flying by!

One more thing to share will be concerning the patent itself.
After more than two months of proposed drawings from MIPA, with me making corrections and clarifications each time, the Provisional Patent Application was finalized and filed on August 18, 2017.
That means my invention has now achieved 'patent pending' status!
I hope to soon receive the receipt from the United States Patent and Trademark Office. That requires three to five weeks...and it's been about that long.

Now, to await a call from Kelsey later this week.
She is the one at MIPA who will design the website and introduce it to the public.
I am so excited!!!

i thank You, God!

thanks, Frank

Yesterday, I went in search of diversion... and bright lights, to tell the truth.
My electricity had gone out about 1 PM on Tuesday and was still out when I awoke.
Drats.
At least the sky had a bit of blue and I could still make coffee.
(smile)
What did I do last night in the dark?
Well, I worked on crossword puzzles by flashlight. That certainly took a while.

Then I played Left Hand versus Right Hand Scrabble.
You know, that long-time favorite game that I modified for single player mode during last year's hurricane scare?
Left Hand went first...
and what a word to begin the game!
"DECODER" - I was reminded of the pH lab in Chem1151, when I tell my students to use the indicator table as their 'magic decoder ring'!

That was the first - and only - time that all seven tiles were used all at once.
Some of the words that followed were extremely short (ad, for, web, bun), but others were rarer and very nice to see (funky, meager, crave, taper, weir).
Then there was "loser", for me and the GOTG bunch -
I really liked that!
(smile)

About this time last night, I went out for a walk.
The street lights were on, as were the lights in houses across the park and on one section of my street.
I walked as far as the street lights went... which wasn't that far after all.
The rest of my subdivision didn't even have that blessing from Georgia Power.
When I returned home, I grabbed one of my 'chairs in a bag', parked it under the street light near my front yard... and sat right there and finished reading the book I'd started earlier.
The young police officer driving through paused to make sure I was okay.
I think he really liked what I was doing...
making lemonade from lemons.
(smile)

This morning, though, I needed to do something, anything.
After all, today was Tuesday.
Kevin had evacuated with his pastry chef and her mom and their four cats.
The other members of las tres amigas had also evacuated, so no help there.
The bfe was still partying with Erica and her mom, so he wouldn't be filling the void, either.
So, what did I do?
I took a shower with the last hot water, dressed in my green dress, and went out to see the world.
That is, I went in search of movies and bright lights.

I didn't find an open cinema, but I did catch the
muted gleam of two pennies.
They were fairly close to each other,
and by coincidence on the driver's side of my car,
in the parking lot at Spotlight Cinema.
I had seen that lights were on in the theater,
so I had parked and walked up to the door.
No one inside...
but I was at the right place at the right time.

I then drove on to the cinema on Stephenson - no lights at all.
Southside to the Regal and Wynnsong - dark buildings with empty parking lots.
The Publix was bright and cheery - even though the shopping carts had been stolen.
No sushi, so I bought smoked gouda mac'n'cheese for lunch today, as well as crunchy kettle chips and fried chicken nuggets and a nice cold bottle of Coke.
Home again, I ate lunch, read a magazine... and started getting antsy.
Over to the park I walked, stacking up downed branches by the roadside for about an hour.
It was almost 4 pm - movie time - Tuesday - aarrrgggghhhhhh!
Would the Victory Cinema be open?
Maybe...???
Great googlie ooglie: it was!
After thanking them for being open - and being the only non-drinking option in town - I settled in for a double-header evening of Tuesday normalcy.
My many thanks, Frank Theatres!

The first was "Spiderman: Homecoming",
with a Coca-Cola ICEE and popcorn.
Delightful!
I followed that with "The Dark Tower",
selecting a dinner of nacho cheese and
tortilla chips, with diet Coke.
Wonderful!
And what a superb match-up these two films actually were! Both showcased teen boys growing into their new-found strengths and accepting responsibility for their choices and actions. Both had non-family teachers as role models for decision-making.
I decided to stop my movie-spree at two - like my pennies - and venture home again.
Guess what?
The electricity was back on at my house!
Hooray!
I had left two light switches in the 'on' position and my red curtains glowed with their light - hallelujah!
Hallelujah.
i thank You, God.

as the boys scouts would say...

Always be prepared.
I won't lie and say I'm totally prepared for a hurricane to strike...
because you and I know that would not be true...
but I'm much better, emotionally, than I was last October.
Definite progress.
I've washed clothes - I even packed a bag with panties and important stuff - and have had it ready and waiting on the couch ever since the bfe left for his hurricane party with Erica and her mom.

In the front yard, I took my time and mowed what remained needing so on Thursday.
Also on Thursday, I took myself out for ceviche and churros at Jalapenos, just as I had done on Wednesday after class. This time, I was solo, instead of with Barbara, and I went to the one in Sandfly. This time, I also had a small margarita.
That night, on my way home, I stopped for milk and cereal and vanilla wafers - a special treat.

On Friday, I took a drive to the Thunderbolt area, in search of my middle brother.
I still have possession of the phone I bought for him in July.
After cruising slowly through the Home Depot shopping center, with my car window open, I didn't hear or see him.
I repeated my slow travels at McAlpin Square, then drove to Bonaventure.
The cemetery was locked up tight at 3 o'clock in the afternoon. It's usually open until 5 PM.
I wandered up Skidaway Road, then went into the Chick-Fil-A shopping center.
Still no sign of him.
Back on Victory Drive, windows still open, I searched the east-going side of the street.
As I reached the liquor store, I popped in.
About ten minutes later, I had COA de Jima Reposada tequila in a brown paper bag. The margarita had definitely been quite relaxing and I thought some sipping liquor from agaves azul was in order.
(My lower back agreed last night. That old injury is where my stress first goes.)
Coming back toward Skidaway, I saw a fellow sitting in front of the Bi-Lo... was it Ronnie? I went in for a closer look. Skinny, scraggly gray beard... but not a white man.
Drats.
Back to home I went, back to the physicist's company, back to the Savannah Jeff's 4-cheese, Newman's Own, pizza, deciding to eat it while he weather was cooler and the electricity was still on.
Perfect! Especially with a chilled glass of my Lactaid milk!
We even watched a movie he didn't know, "Get Hard", and laughed and relaxed, mellowing and awaiting today.

Why so mellow?
Irma had continued on the same path all day long.
All day long.
The reports from NOAA had displayed the same course for the Cape Verde lass: north by northwest.
She certainly seemed to know where she wanted to go.

This is from the 11 AM report.

Six hours later, here is the late afternoon forecast.

Then, at 11 PM, I looked for the last time last night.
Yes, she was still on her same course.
Well, actually, she was veering slightly more to the west as she dragged her dress past Cuba at last.
More to the west was more to my liking.
I slept very well, for the first time in several days.

This morning, while moving some items off the lowest shelf of the entertainment center, I stumbled upon several old photo pages, loose and upright.
They were Frank's copies of his wedding to my mother, back in September of 1984.
I spent the next two hours scanning them and them posted them on facebook for my family and friends.
Mama had me, home six months from the US Navy, as her maid of honor.

She had one grandchild,
my first niece, Christina,
my brother Ronnie's daughter.
Frank had one grandchild, too,
my nephew Stephen,
my Stepsister Susan's son.
What a bright spot in my morning!


Today, after the bfe left, I've continued making ice in plastic storage containers, placing the huge blocks into my big, rolling, cooler, in anticipation of the electricity going off.
I'm not sure that it will, mind you, but I want to be prepared.
The big blocks, with less exposed surface area than ice from the ice-maker or bagged ice, will definitely have more staying power, in case of an extended power outage.
I've been grading lab papers, too.
That, for sure, is busy work... but it's nice to have the time to do so at a leisurely pace.

Now, the evening report is hot off the internet 'presses'.
Rain will come - 3 to 8 Inches, with isolated 12" cloudbursts - beginning about 2 AM and going on through noon.
Tropical storm gusts up to 63 miles per hour will accompany the rainfall.
So, I'll keep my guard up...
and say a prayer for my blue-sky Penny and my Aunt Linda as they ride out far worse in Tallahassee...
and say a prayer for my brother Smitty out on Dutch Island... and my brother Tony in north Georgia...
and for my brother Ronnie, wherever he may be...
and for all the folks I know and love, and for those who know and love me...
i thank You, God.

Now, for some dinner, a hot shower, and a distracting movie...
and perhaps a quiet night's rest, too.

irma

Yesterday, Armstrong closed its doors at 5:00 PM, planning to not re-open until next Wednesday.
SCAD had already closed its doors on Tuesday, postponing their first week of classes.
By day's end, Savannah Tech will also close until some time next week.
Everyone had been told that we would have to wait until Thursday before we would have a better idea of how Hurricane Irma was going to impact our area.
It seemed most folks would rather not do so.
I know I have been tormented by remembrances of the effect of last year's bully boy.
Should I stay or should I go?
If I go, in which direction?
No one knew, of course.
Yesterday, Irma seemed to have her eye dead set on Savannah.
That meant north or west would be preferred.
At least my hands are in good shape and I will be able to drive - but, to where?
I took myself to "Valley of Bones" in the afternoon, then "Home Again" last night.
One was a modern western with T. Rex bones instead of gold as the treasure sought.
The other was a woman facing midlife decisions and finding a new support group, with Carole King's song wrapping it all up at the end.
Both were very nice distractions from the madness in my head and swirling all around.

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

This morning, Irma's path has markedly changed.
Savannah will still catch the edges of her dress as she storms past, but we will not be tromped on.
Here's the updated prediction from the National Hurricane Center and from Pat Prokop's page.

And here is my message from The Universe:

"3:48 AM (7 hours ago)
It is OK. You are all right. You needn't second guess anymore, Faustina.
Everyone is safe. Nothing "bad" is going to happen. All of the promises have been kept.
And you could not possibly be more adored.
By me,
The Universe"

i thank You, God.

Now, I have clothes to wash and sales taxes to work on and papers to grade...
and, yes, perhaps even a movie later on.
(smile)

lucas love!

Hip-hip-hooray!
On this Kevin-less Tuesday, I was treated to a grand display of love by the Lucas Theatre!
In honor of all of us volunteer ushers - and our patience during the transition this year - we were given lots of swag, lots of food, and.... "La La Land"!
That's right! We had all voted on which movie we'd like to see again and my first choice won out!
I sat way up in the front of the theatre, so I could sing along and dance in my seat and not distract folks - well, not distract them too much!
(smile)
As for swag, I walked away with a lovely ball cap, two packages of Lucas-themed note cards, and four koozies, two of each color.
(smile)
But, wait!
There's more!
(smile)
Katie had listened to my plea for lactose-free pizza! And get this - none of the other lactose-intolerant folks there wanted the plain 'cheese' pizza, scarfing up the small veggie-laden pie before i could get any of it.
All's well that ends well, though...
I walked away with the rest of the mellow Mushroom goodie!
Hip-hip-hooray!
It'll be pizza for breakfast tomorrow, my dearies!
(SMILE!!!)

happy 40th, squirrel mistress!

Can you believe that Christa 'El Dorado' has completed her fourth decade on Earth?
I know, I know, it seems like quite a stretch... but 'tis true!
This evening, las tres amigas journeyed to Pooler-where-it's-cooler to help her celebrate having attained that milestone.
That means the watching of bad movies, of course!
(smile)
The one she chose for our 'pleasure' was an especially bad one - I mean, like worthy of being part of Jim Reed's Psychotronic Film Society.
If you ever get the chance, do NOT partake of "Birdemic 2: The Resurrection".
Seriously...
unless you are surrounded by folks willing to help you make fun of the bad acting, weak story, and terrible CGI work on the attacking eagles and vultures.
Fortunately, this was not our first rodeo with Christa! We all had a blast!
i thank You, God!

a snorkel and swim goggles walk into a church...

on a Communion Sunday..
accompanied by a waterproof iPod...

Trust me, you have not heard this one before!

Yes, Reverend Billy is back in the pulpit again...
he's b-a-a-a-c-k-k-k-k!
(smile)
I only wish Steven Tyler and the boys could have been there this morning -
what fun they would have had!
No worries, though. The sermon can be heard, and seen, right here.
You know, he's been off on sabbatical this summer, though not for the five months the bfe had.
I think folks at Asbury Memorial UMC could not have withstood that long an absence by Billy Hester.
Truly.
I know I played hooky almost the whole summer... almost.
But of course I was there today!
How could I resist learning about "The Aquatics of God"?
Seriously?!
And did I learn something?
But of course I did!
I learned that God is in the details, brought forth by those who know and love us.
Billy wanted to get in better physical shape this summer and chose swimming as his activity.
However, a neck injury made it painful for him to lift his head out of the water to breathe between strokes.
Enter Iris Dayoub with the swim snorkel, a device that allows continuous swimming, face-down.
Hallelujah!
Then another problem arose: the chlorine made his eyes ache with pain.
Preston Hodges came forth with the cure: oversized swim goggles that hugged Billy's face securely.
Hallelujah!
All revved up and ready to go, Billy found himself still struggling. Sure, he could swim now, but it was taking so very much time and he was so very s l o w...
until he noticed that a woman with earbuds and a waterproof music box was doing her laps effortlessly.
Then his wife put on fifteen of his favorite songs and he was good to go!
Hallelujah!
And he found that he swam forty-five minutes without tiring, as opposed to the arduous fifteen minute sessions he initially had.
And he found himself renewed spiritually and emotionally, as well as physically.
And he found a link between the snorkel - breath - with God the Creator, Yahweh, the one who brought life to all.
And he found a link between the goggles - vision - and God the Christ, who came showing God's love, showing us how we should love each other, helping us see the goal.
And he found a link between the music in his ears - rhythm - and God the Holy Spirit, the Advocate, The Helper, the Comforter.
Thank you, Billy, for sharing your revelations with us.
Thank you for encouraging us to all find our Aquatic Trinity, our center in our minds, hearts, and lives.
i thank You, God, for this minister and this church.

come a little bit closer, you could be mine

"In a little rest stop
just the other side of the border
(from Florida),
it was sitting there luring me in
and making my mouth water
(and heart quiver)

So I started walking its way
but it belonged to that lobby there
and I knew, yes I knew I should leave
but I heard it say, yeah,
(yeah)

Come a little bit closer
you're a loser like us
seeking to save the world
come a little bit closer
and sit down beside these strong sexy men."

I do hope Tommy Boyce and Bobby Hart don't mind that I've hijacked their lyric frame and melody...
but I can't help myself!
"Come A Little Bit Closer" has always been close to my heart... and so are Quill and Yondu!

And there I was, fresh from
Guardians Day of Marvel Week,
inundated with the sagas
of the Guardians of the Galaxy,
having seen both movies,
back to back,
Thursday afternoon.
Oh, my!

And then I had seen Ryan Reynolds
and Samuel L. Jackson again,
doing their thing, once more,
and even had buffalo sauce
and chicken fingers
and waffle fries
with my free movie.
Oh, my!

And I had even been successful in my quest
to wrest Agnes' unicorn
away from Dave & Buster's,
thanks to the Pirates game
granting me its greatest treasure
of 1000 tickets
for a single spin.
Oh, my!


And then... marvel of marvels, I found yesterday that the Georgia Welcome Center still had the "GOTG:V2" display bench!
Oh, my, my, my!
Everything had fallen in place so nicely, just as I had hoped!
i thank You, God!
When I asked the two women manning the counter at the Welcome Center if I could join their list of folks wanting the bench, I was told that no one else had even asked about it - marvel of marvels!
So, they now have my name and address and phone number and email address...
and I await the call to come and fetch it,
like that will actually happen,
like the hopeful romantic I am.
Oh, my, my, my!
Now... who to ask for transport?
Someone with a truck...
someone who knows my madness for this ragtag bunch...
someone who loves me and will do this as a favor...
Smitty?
Definitely a possibility, since he's my brother.
Kevin?
Well, he most def knows my madness side.
Mike?
Hmmm... he does this sort of work on the side...
and he could learn of my madness...
and he even brought up the possible trip tonight at Sweet Potatoes...
when he chose an empty seat beside me, rather than two other bare chairs...
making the other Boomers look askance at me and each other...
especially when I helped myself to a bit of his pecan pie...
(smile)
I think life may be about to get pretty interesting.
His birthday is later this month...
I'll have to ask him when...
maybe we can go do karaoke again...
'cause he was braggin' on me to Karen and Mary and Karen H...
and that was very nice.
(smile)

i thank You, God.
I appreciate the penny, too, when I was talking to Willie earlier today.
That was all very nice, too.