six miles. in the snow. barefoot.

But that was not the most heart-breaking part of "Wind River".

At the end of the film, the statement appeared that "there are no statistics on missing Native American women".
As harsh as that is, it was not the most heart-breaking part, either.

The rape of the teenager, the beating death of her boyfriend, her death from burst lungs as she ran from the evil-doers - all very bad situations to watch. However, thanks to so many crime shows on television, these vignettes are not new and their sting has been softened by oft repetition in plot lines.

What did I find the most heart-wrenching?
What caused me to stay in the darkened cinema, sobbing, as the end credits rolled?
What factor led me to sit in my car, continuing to cry, for another thirty minutes before going home?

The guilt taken on by loved ones left behind by death.

I know that guilt.
I still feel guilt that I didn't realize in time that Mama was killing herself.
Her increased drinking of alcohol started after a chance discussion of "Leaving Las Vegas". She had thought it would be a painful way to die, but I had informed her "not for the drinker, as the liver has no nerve endings. It's only painful for those left behind."
I still feel guilt about telling her that.
I still feel guilt for not asking hospice to transfer her to my house from the hospital.
It made more sense for her to go to her home with Frank, my stepdad, as his two daughters were both nurses.
I still feel guilt for not spending more time with her there, during those last few days of her life...
guilt for not foreseeing and somehow preventing her death.

In my heart, I know that I cannot be held to blame for her death...
but I feel the guilt, still.

In "Wind River", two fathers are tortured with guilt for their daughters' deaths.
Neither of them could have reasonably prevented those deaths... but they feel the guilt, still.

Martin Hanson (played stoically by Gil Birmingham) is the father of Natalie, the 18-year-old at the center of this film. He feels guilty for allowing his grown daughter to make her own choices, to live her own life. He knows that others blame him and his wife for her death, for not micro-managing every aspect of the young woman's life.
He was doing the right thing, allowing his daughter to grow up into a woman...
but death intervened and guilt over her loss is consuming his life...
guilt for not somehow foreseeing and preventing her death.

Cory Lambert (played with a different stoicism by Jeremy Renner) is the father of Emily, a fifteen-year-old who was best friends with the Hanson daughter. He and his wife had a rare overnight away from their two children and had returned to find Emily missing. Her body was found days later, twenty miles from home. That was three years earlier than this time, but he still carried the guilt.
He had been doing the right thing, taking advantage of a rare night off to enjoy a date with his wife...
but he felt he had blinked and allowed his daughter to be stolen and killed.
The grief had consumed their marriage and almost his life...
guilt for not somehow foreseeing and preventing her death.

Heart-breaking to watch...
heart-breaking to relive my own loss...
heart-breaking.