still daddy's girl

Dearest Daddy,

Thank you for always letting me know I was loved.

Last week, for "Tina Tuesday", I had suggested the latest Sylvester Stallone movie, knowing that Kevin was a fan of his films. Plus, the movie was in the Big D screening room - bigger, better explosions!
Well, it turned out to not be quite the story we'd thought.
Still, the saddest part to me was the scene between the daughter and her estranged father. The teenager had gone to confront her dad, to ask him why he had left her mother and herself. And do you know what he said to her?
He told her he'd never wanted to be a father, that her mother had gotten pregnant against his wishes. Then, when the mother had become ill and died, that was it for him. No way had he ever wanted to have a family.
So very harsh.
At least he was honest with her, right?
He wanted to make sure she understood that he wanted nothing to do with her, that he had never wanted anything to do with her.
It was all quite brutal, even though no voices were raised and no fists were used.

Then, that scenario was played out again, tonight. As Tuesday was not available, Kevin and I had our dinner-and-a-movie on this "Marvelous Monday". Finally we would see the Brad Pitt-science fiction film!
This movie, at least, was fairly close to what I had expected: an immersion into another's stream of consciousness, set in the depths of cold space.
And, as in the movie last week, the saddest scene was between the astronaut son who had followed in his father's footsteps and the dad who had disappeared twenty-nine years earlier on an away mission.
The son had been a teenager at the time of his father's mission to Neptune. Now, in his forties, he finally had the opportunity to confront his dad and ask why he had volunteered for that faraway planet, why he had left his family and never contacted them.
And do you know what the father said to his son?
He told him he'd never wanted to be a father, that the mother had gotten pregnant against his wishes. Then, when the space program needed a man to helm the search for extraterrestrial life, he saw that as the way out for him. He had never wanted to have a family, anyway.
Not only that, but he didn't want to get to know his grown son now.
Such harsh words, spoken in a cold, factual tone.
Again, no raising of voices, no raising of fists.
There was just that air of "get out of here, kid, you're bothering me" such as one might use toward a stranger's child that was blocking the television.

Sigh.
Such unexpected sadness to witness.

Thank you, Daddy, for always letting me know I was important to you.
Thank you for always giving me love and trying to keep me safe from harm.
That's not to say you never whipped me for misbehaving...
but I was always well aware of what I'd done and recognized that the spanking was to keep me from repeating that poor choice in the future.
I always knew you cared.

I am so blessed to have had you and Mama in my life.
So many others I've met have such difficult relationships with their parents.
We had some rough times now and then, but I never doubted your support and your love.
Movies like these two serve to emphasize how very fortunate I am to have two parents who loved me so.
Thank you.

I miss you.

with much love always,
your one-and-only, ever-lovin', daughter.