think i'm turning mormon-ese, i really think so

My nephew Damon, Tony's son, had posted this bit of musical humor on fb a few days back.

"When a cougar gets so old she needs a hearing aid, she becomes a Def Leppard."

Looking at it now, at least I can say my hearing seems to have improved, so I guess I need not fear becoming a Def Leppard just yet.

Not that I was ever a cougar, mind.

I'm more of a purple panther, n'est-ce pas?

And now, I seem to be leaning toward being Mormon.

How so?

Due to my atrial fibrillation, I cannot have caffeine, theobromine, alcoholic beverages, or spicy foods.

I know, I know, if they were serious they should have just put me out of my misery.

No caffeine means no coffee, no iced tea when out to dine, no Pepsi, no Coke, no dark sodas except root beer.

At least I can still indulge in a Diet Barq's when I go to the cinema in the future.

No theobromine means no more chocolate, either dark or milk.

As that chemical is also found in some teas, I guess I will have to research that.

But no more dark chocolate???

Of course, I had recently bought more coffee and more Dove's Dark Chocolate Promises.

I guess I will have to find those items a new home, as they cannot stay here.

Then there's the no alcohol rule.

That one won't be a problem, as I have alcohol about twice a year.

That would be on my birthday and on New Year's Eve.

I still have the birthday bottle in the refrigerator, so that may well be vinegar now.

What else was there that has to be pushed out of my life...?

Oh, yes: spicy food.

Quite frankly, the doctor is going to need to be more specific.

Does that refer to Mexican food? Thai cuisine? Indian curries?

Not fair, absolutely not fair.

Not only do I have a health issue that makes me feel old, but I can't have some of my favorite foods to bring some measure of comfort?

When I was a girl, the Millers moved into the neighborhood.

Brenda was about my age, maybe a couple of years older.

She was the only Mormon I'd ever known.

I had thought it odd that she and her family didn't drink sweet tea or eat chocolate, but that was against the rules of her religion; she accepted that, and I didn't try to push those foodstuffs onto her.

Here's the thing, though: she grew up knowing those items were not to be ingested.

It wasn't a loss to her, because she had never had them.

That's not the case for me.

I've been enjoying those items for more than half my life, or longer!

And now I've been asked to leave them be.

Sigh.

One day at a time...

Now, it's time for Super Bowl LVI and the ice skating in Beijing.

Those will be a good distraction.