no mirth in this season of experimentation

"Just what season are you talking about? Whose?"

That would be Savannah Stage Company. Much as I love this troupe, their 11th season has been very hard on me.

"Oh, no. I remember that their last one caused you to actually tell Jayme that."

I did. "Spring Awakening" awakened memories of the two in my life who killed themselves by gunshot. First was David, after the loss of his dear Gwen to cancer. Then, my niece Jean Marie took her life after a long battle with depression. Very hard memories.

"I thought their latest play was about living with someone who had depression."

That's what I thought, too, and had even recommended it to some folks for that very reason. That's what the synopsis said. I do wish it had included that it was his mom, and that she attempted suicide several times during his life before she succeeded at it.

"Damn."

Damn.

"So. You want to talk about it?"

I do. I feel like I need to get it out so I can pull myself together before I get back to town. "Every Brilliant Thing" was performed at Tybee Post Theater, with the audience sitting on the stage. That's because the audience is part of the cast in this one-person play. There was a choice of going to the performances with a woman or those with a man. I had not known that before I selected. I went for the Sunday matinee. Thankfully, that was with a man, Christian Delcroix, which turned out to be best for me, as it kept me from identifying too strongly with his character. I cried and cried during the last part anyway, so it was good to have that little bit of emotional distance.

"That was good. So, what's up with these photos?"

The first one is actually one of the last I took before the play started. I liked that the two koozies had the name of the site, and that the turntable was centered, but in the background, just as the talk of music had been in the play. The boy's father used music to let his son know what mood he was in and whether it was okay to disturb him. Just pure serendipity at work there, as I had no idea of the significance of that machine to the story!

"How very cool! Just like you use music as therapy, kinda sorta."

Kinda sorta! And the other photo is also before the show, with Christian giving the folks at the table their "lines" for the play. I had two lines myself! When he said the number 575, my line was "piglets!", to be spoken with enthusiasm! The other was in response to him saying 1010 and was much longer: "Reading something which articulates exactly how you feel but lacked the words to express yourself" - whew! I nearly ran out of breath on that one.

"So, that's what others got, too? Lines to say for the items on a list?"

Not exactly. Some folks had adlib parts. The guy at the table in front of me played the veterinarian who had to euthanize the boy's dog, Sherlock Bones. Gloria Rigsbee, of SavChTh, played his school counselor, who used her sock puppet to bring him solace after his mom's first suicide attempt. That had been when the boy was 7 years old.

"Damn."

Indeed. The attempt ten years later, when he was 17, was the one that made him angry at his mom. He actually yelled at her about how half-assed that attempt had been! But it did get him back to making additions to his list. He'd first started it after her first attempt, writing every brilliant thing that made life worth living. Ice cream! Kung fu movies! All sorts of things that I totally agreed with and have written about here. I must say that the first hour of the play was quite enjoyable, filled with a boy's attempts to bring light and joy into his family's life, and his own.

"Well, that's good to hear."

Truly, the young man on stage was excellent at portraying that unbridled happiness of a child! Then, he grew up, put aside the list, and went to college... and met a girl in the library. They connected over a love of books, sharing books with each other over a period of months. And one day, after lending her a book from his youth, she returned the book to him - and he discovered his list had been left in it! Chagrined, he thought of never seeing her again... but, she had added to his list five items of her own, about meeting someone special, about realizing that person was the love of your life... and they end up married! Very nice. Even though the first meeting of her with his folks was a bit odd, she hadn't run away, so she was definitely the one for him! Such happiness!!!

"Such happiness!"

But it scared him. He remembered his mom going through these moments of intense happiness, then falling into dark depths, and he began worrying if that might happen to him. It caused him to withdraw from his wife, to the point that she eventually left him, placing a note in a Daniel Johnson album, knowing he would eventually read the liner inside. But it was seven years until he found that note. Still, when he had contacted her, she had come back to him, so that was good.

"And when was it that you started crying?"

It was at some point after their visit to his parents that first time. He lost track of where he was in his story to us, asking us for cues. I couldn't tell if it was part of the play, or real, and I think that's when the line blurred for me. I know that's when I started thinking about Mama and David and Jean Marie and Brian... and I couldn't get back to the joy. After that break, every time he gave an ever higher number that he'd added to his list, it hit me as a desperate attempt to regain his own happy state. Perhaps it struck him that way, too, as he started crying, too. I overheard one person say afterward that the other person had not really cried on stage, but Christian was.

"I'm amazed that someone would see it more than once."

Me, too. However, not many people have had a loved one who committed suicide. That makes a difference in perspective. And I've had four who have. And who's to say that Daddy and Ronnie didn't also commit suicide? They knew they had cancer and chose to not treat it. Wouldn't that be classified as killing themself?

"Hold on, dear. You're clearly feeling bereft and need to not be trying to see suicide where it is not. Choosing to have a life with enjoyment until the end, which your father and brother both had, is not the same as suicide. You know that. You're just overwrought. It's a good thing that Jayme called Wesley over when you came back for a program."

You're right. A big hug from that gorgeous man did help. Talking with him about the paleontologist movie had helped, too. He seems to have a House Manager job there, as I see him almost every time I'm at Tybee.

"See? No coincidence that your program had dropped out of your pocket. One of your angels looking after your peace of mind. Just like you having a party with family to go to now."

i thank You, God.