rabbi in the haas!

The Sankofa Dancers were the reason I came to Asbury Memorial this morning.
The church email had listed them dancing for two songs and I wanted to be there to share the joy.
The first dance featured the younger girls, in an Avery Sunshine tune full of love!
Later, during the offertory, the teen girls came out for a Donald Morris spirtual - I wanted to get up and join them as they twirled!

In between the two dance numbers, Rabbi Robert Haas was in the house!
(Get it? He would love the pun!)
"The Many Spiritual Gifts of the Kabbalah" was his message,
talking of mysticism and Ezekiel
and our sliver of the divine light,
i.e., our awareness of God
as distinguished from darkness.
But this is what resonated for me:
"we individuals are to God as
waves are to the ocean".
I can definitely visualize that.
But wait... his message
gets even better.

"Like the waves, we only know of that part of the ocean near us, and cannot know the ocean as a whole."
We ebb and flow, rising and sinking, in the one part of the vastness of existence.
We cannot know the entire ocean because we cannot experience the entire ocean - it is beyond our ability.
The sermon reminded me very much of my take-home message from the MOAS Planetarium.

It also reminded me of how petty I had been earlier this morning. I had been trying to activate Ronnie's new phone before leaving home and was growing increasingly frustrated as time ticked on. That frustration had me cursing like the sailor I once was - and that kept the bfe wisely at bay.
But here's how that angry fit turned out.
I still made it to the church in time to sing "Morning Has Broken", the Cat Stevens song.
I was there in plenty of time to see the first set of girls perform their liturgical dance.
And I was most assuredly there for every word of the Rabbi's humorous talk with us.
I also was there to "Come And Find The Quiet Corner" and to sing the "Canto de Esperanza", for loving hugs from all four in the Povie family, hugs from Bill the artist, hugs from Danny and Carol and Lance.
All combined to restore my balance, to calm my soul, to remind me that I am loved.

I need not have been so angry at my middle brother.
He had not asked for the phone, after all.
It had been my choice to buy it for him.
When I had returned Sue Crowe's call, she had put him on the line to talk to me. In the course of our conversation, I had asked him if he wanted a phone. He had replied noncommittally "that might be nice". I had interpreted that into action on my part to purchase a phone and set it up.
I fully expect that the money I spent and the time I have invested will be for naught as he will probably lose - or sell - the phone in a few weeks' time.
At least, that is what I told Allen at Target.
Nonetheless, the decision to buy a phone for him rested entirely with me, not with him.
The frustration was not with him, but with me for not resisting the urge to buy the phone.
After all, he is my brother.
The phone is the only connection to family that he is willing to accept from me.

I keep hoping, though.
I keep hoping I am having an influence on his actions, that I am making a difference in his life...
but the ocean he knows has drifted so far from that in my life.
I need the strength to accept that truth.
I cannot allow feelings of guilt for his choices...
he is grown and is allowed to choose for himself...
as am I.

Tomorrow, I will try to find him and give him the phone.
I bought it as a gift for him -
he is allowed to choose what to do with the gift.

i thank You, God, for continuing support and love and strength.

i miss Mama.